i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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