What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
