Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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