also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
