We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
