dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
