Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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