Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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