I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
