Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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