At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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