Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
