would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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