the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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