i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
