He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
