i can juggle bunnies
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER