Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
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How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED