We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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