and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
