I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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