I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
