you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
