im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
