Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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