I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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