similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
