remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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