I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
whose parrot is this?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize