ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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