When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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