thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't deserve a penis
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
