i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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