I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
