Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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