In the future we'll all be gay
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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