she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They took my balls.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
