Jerry, you need to find god
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
