please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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