I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
