His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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