I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
