hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can I color on your dick again?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
