playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
