mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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