My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
