who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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