You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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