is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
