and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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