Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
