Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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