Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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