Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
