I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
