So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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