one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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