The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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