I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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