I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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