my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
