i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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