i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my phone needs a breathalizer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i dont even know how to be here
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
