my mouth tastes like poor choices
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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