did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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