Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
