Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
