I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
