I'm jealous of your bromance
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
