Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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