I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
