I faked an abortion last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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