cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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