Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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