FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
