So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
