WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
