I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
